December 2005
Ten Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
December can be a busy, activity-packed month for parents and children.
Our dream is that everything flows smoothly: family members get along, the big meals or the dozens of cookies you bake are loved by everyone (no food allergies!), your shopping goes smoothly with purchases of “the perfect gift” for everyone on your list, and the children are always well behaved.
Unfortunately, the season is busier and more stressful than other times. All of us react to stress – sometimes with somatic symptoms (like headaches or upset stomach) and sometimes with irritability, depression or overeating. Children may respond by behaving poorly, withdrawing from activities or being overly active or cranky. Here are 10 tips to help this holiday season be more of what you want.
1. Be realistic. You can’t do everything portrayed on TV or in magazines. Go all out in decorating or have a party or participate in several activities, but don’t try to do it all. If you do too much, you and your children will be too exhausted to enjoy it.
Be realistic about expectations of family and friends. We are all real people, and none of us is perfect. Family members will be the way they always are. If siblings fight, they won’t suddenly stop just because it is a holiday. When choosing which friends to spend time with during this month, surround yourself with the supportive ones. There isn’t time or energy to spend with the ones who agitate you.
Help your children be realistic about what to expect as well. With all the advertising in the media, wish lists for children grow long during the holidays. Show your children, by your actions, that your holiday is about more than gifts. Teach them how to handle envy when a friend gets the toy they wanted. What should they do when family get-togethers are tension-filled or adults are arguing? Think of ways to help the child who is splitting time between two families in different households.
2. Reassess – Gather the family together and decide which activities are important and which can be eliminated. Are there things that you do because you have always done them? Have you stopped enjoying them? Have your children outgrown them? Look at how you can do the activity differently or make this the year to let it go.
3. Start a new tradition. Find one activity the family enjoys and create a new tradition this year. Rituals that occur every year are comforting to children and help create positive holiday memories. Focus on the meaning of your faith or culture’s holiday. Talk to your children about what is important to you during this holiday.
4. Prioritize – What has to be done and when? Plan ahead on how to use your time. If you plan and schedule activities, you won’t feel so pressured. Some parents find a calendar of holiday activities helpful. Include times to bake those cookies, or a chunk of time for gift-wrapping. Start shopping early, so you aren’t trying to find something important the day before you need it. Make a shopping list so you won’t overspend on spur of the moment purchases. Tell your younger children what the final plans are early enough to help them get ready for family visits, dinners or other big events.
5. Keep your routine. During this hectic time, changing the normal family routine can be stressful to children. As much as possible, keep mealtimes and bedtime the same. If there is a big activity, make sure your child is rested and fed. Keep a snack handy for an afternoon activity that lasts longer than anticipated. Help reduce the impact of schedule changes by telling your child what to expect. Does your child adjust quickly or slowly to new situations? If your child is slower to adjust, tell her what to expect, who will be there and how long you will stay. Once you get to the activity, stay close by until she feels comfortable.
6. Delegate responsibilities. You don’t have to do it all! Ask for help around the house or divide tasks among adults and older children. Can everyone pitch in to help bake the cookies? Make a production line, and you may start a new tradition. Let children wrap their presents for others. The gift may not be wrapped “perfectly,” but children will have fun in the process.
7. Simplify – Plan easy meals, especially on those days when there are other commitments. How big a holiday dinner do you have to cook? Suggest a potluck with your family and friends, instead of having one person do all the work. Cut down on how many gifts you give. For example, if you get gifts for all your nieces and nephews, consider one gift for the family (like a family board game). When wrapping gifts, choose one or two colors of paper. In our house, each person has a color. It makes it easier to wrap, and easy for all to know “which one is mine.” Do you have to send a holiday card to everyone you know? With so many people having e-mail, how about sending your holiday note electronically this year?
8. Plan for fun. What do you enjoy? Plan time to go to see The Nutcracker or to drive around to see holiday lights or to get together to go to the tree farm. Visit the children’s museum or go to story hour at the library or local bookstore. What activities are low- or no-cost? How about a drive to the snow for a day of snowball fights or sledding or just making snow angels?
9. Explore how other cultures celebrate the season. What are some other holidays that are different than yours? Are there unique ways other countries or cultures celebrate the same occasion (like Christmas)? Check out a CD of songs from around the world, or learn a new recipe from another culture’s celebration.
10. Carve out self-time. This time of year, parents find themselves committing to others, but not scheduling time for self. Make a little quiet time – maybe a long bath or a walk by yourself or time to read. Make sure you are getting enough rest. A short nap may help you be energetic for the evening party. What about a special day or evening time for you and your partner or a good friend to reconnect? Children also need some unscheduled “down” time to recuperate from all the running around. They too will enjoy time with a best friend just to play, without doing a holiday activity.
Finally, roll with the punches. Even though there will be days when things won’t work out as you plan, try to find the humor in the mishaps. One year, our family got to the woods to cut a tree and realized we had forgotten the axe. We ended up using what tools we had in the back of the truck. It is one of the more humorous stories that we still re-tell. And remember, in another month it will be over. Do what you can to make the holiday season a pleasant memory for your family.
Dr. Janice Lovelace is a child psychologist who practices and teaches in the Puget Sound area.
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Northwest Parent Media
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