July 2006
Your Parenting Coach: To Cell or Not To Cell?
My 9-year-old will be at swim lessons and other activities this summer, so I thought he could take my husband’s cell phone with him so he could call me when he needs to be picked up. But he wants his own cell phone! He claims to be the only kid going into fourth grade without a cell phone. I know, Gloria, you will have thoughts about this. And I would love to hear them. Thanks!
– Andrea/Federal Way
Yes, I do have some thoughts, and a few questions, too.
The new communication technologies present another minefield for parents in our high-tech society – what to do about the latest gadget that is directly and relentlessly marketed to our kids?
The tweens, ages 8-12, are the new “hot market” for cell phones, with phones now specifically designed for them. The LG Migo from Verizon, for instance, has four buttons that parents can program and an emergency button instead of a full keypad. Firefly Mobile provides mom and dad stick figures for speed-dialing parents, while TicTalk features games by Leap Frog that kids can play to earn more talk time. The Disney Mobile provides a wireless service with exclusive Disney content. If someone designs a phone exclusively for kids, kids will, of course, want it. And as you are experiencing, the peer pressure can be relentless.
The decision might be easy if it were just about a phone. With the disappearance of pay phones, we want and need our children to feel safe. Obviously, carrying around a cell phone means they can get in touch with us in an emergency and check in whenever they need to. It means we, too, have immediate access. What could be more comforting to a parent?
But, like everything related to technology and children, it’s not as clear-cut as having a reliable communication device. I have interviewed Susan Linn, co-founder of Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, on Parent Appreciation Radio. She emphasizes that “any hand-held device giving kids access to the Internet must be controlled by the parents.” So the first order is to make sure the phone has parental controls. And even more importantly, make sure you discuss with your son why you are putting the controls in place. Kids want boundaries. And they respect us when we enforce them.
It might be helpful to ponder these questions to clarify your position:
- Is your son mature enough to use his own phone per your instructions or might it be better to wait one more year? If you decide to wait, should you tell him that to give him hope?
- Are you prepared to be diligent about confronting and countering the advertising he might run into with more cell phone use?
- Will having his own cell phone provide an opportunity for him to demonstrate his ability to be responsible? If so, how can you use the experience for his, and your, maximum benefit?
- As communication technologies continue to be tied to marketing interests, the values we teach will be less supported by the larger cultural context our kids grow up in. This creates dissonance for them. Mixed messages are confusing. Whose do they interpret? Whose do they obey?
It can also have a positive side. As I wrote in my book, Parenting Well in a Media Age (Personhood Press, 2005, p. 211): “When dissonance happens, the opportunity to learn also happens … If the parent encourages the child throughout the process of sorting out the confusion … the child gains confidence in his ability to work through other dissonance confidently by himself.”
So along with media literacy, we now need to be teaching “tech literacy.” Tech literacy goes way beyond knowing how to merely operate the latest cool gizmo. Tech literacy empowers kids to use all new devices wisely. Talking about the positive aspects of cell phones while at the same time teaching about the dangers, limitations and potential advertising manipulations, helps young minds discern appropriate use of these powerful tools. The ever-growing technology turmoil, (has he nagged for an iPod, yet?) mandates that kids become tech literate. And parents are the best teachers for the job.
Gloria DeGaetano is founder and CEO of the Bellevue-based Parent Coaching Institute, as well as a parent educator and author. She hosts Parent Appreciation Radio Saturdays at 11 a.m. on 1150 AM, KKNW-Seattle. You may send questions for this column to Gloria@thepci.com or to nweditor@seattleschild.com or nweditor@pugetsoundparent.com.
©Gloria DeGaetano, 2006
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