March 2006
Your Parenting Coach:
How to Prepare Your Child for Preschool
Last year when my best friend’s son started preschool,
he had a lot of separation issues that made my friend feel extra guilty.
It took weeks for him to adjust. Next month my 3-year-old daughter starts
a half-day preschool two times a week, and I want to avoid as many hassles
as possible. Do you have any suggestions that can help me?
Karen/Seattle
There are several things that you can do to help make a smooth transition, although there are no guarantees it will be without any upsets. Your intentionality to prepare, though, goes a long way in supporting your efforts to help your daughter feel confident and secure.
Below are some suggestions that have worked for moms whom I have coached, who had the same concern. Use those that make sense to you, observing the ones that seem to have the most positive effects on both you and your daughter.
Read a few books about starting school, and talk about what happens there and what she can expect. I recommend What to Expect at Preschool by Heidi Eisenberg Murkoff (HarperCollins Children’s Books, 2003) for those conversations. Two wonderful books to talk about separation anxiety in preschoolers’ language are You Go Away by Dorothy Corey (Whitman, 1999) – which also repeats the most important phrase, “You Come Back” – and I Love You All Day Long by Franceska Rusackas (HarperCollins, 2003).
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn (Child Welfare League of America, 1993) is an all-time favorite. You can use the tender technique in that book of kissing your child’s hand before she sets out. Then all she has to do is hold her hand up to her cheek whenever she wants a kiss from you! She can practice when you leave her with a sitter, and you can return with the question, “Did you use your Kissing Hand while I was gone?”
Another strategy is to laminate a picture of you and/or a family photo, then hole-punch an edge and loop it with bright-colored yarn. Your daughter can help you make this “pic-necklace” that she can wear at school. Taking a beloved teddy bear or a well-used blanket with her can be a reminder of the secure nest waiting when she returns home.
One or two weeks before the first day, visit the preschool. Many teachers are happy to set aside time for a special tour. Some teachers make home visits. This can be a nurturing way to help ease the transition. It is a good idea to make play dates with a few of the other children at the preschool, especially if your daughter doesn’t know many of them.
While you are preparing your daughter, remember to visualize how you might feel on that first day. A little bit sad probably, mixed with some pride and a lot of happiness. Rehearsing potential emotions will help you if separation anxiety comes up. Plan to spend part of the first day with her at the school, if needed, but also plan to give yourself some alone time to reflect on this significant milestone. Prepare to fully experience the preciousness of the transition. If you are feeling prepared, chances are your little girl will feel prepared, too.
Gloria DeGaetano is founder and CEO of the Bellevue-based Parent Coaching Institute, as well as a parent educator and author. She hosts Parent Appreciation Radio Saturdays at 11 a.m. on 1150 AM, KKNW-Seattle. You may send questions for this column to Gloria@thepci.com or to nweditor@seattleschild.com or nweditor@pugetsoundparent.com.
©Gloria DeGaetano, 2006
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