February 2007

Your Parenting Coach:
Habits of Mind Can Lead to Habits of Heart

By Gloria DeGaetano

Several months ago I heard you speak and you mentioned “habits of mind.” Can you shed light on these habits?

– Carol/Seattle

I first learned the phrase, “habits of mind,” from my friend and mentor, Dr. Jane Healy. In her classic book, Endangered Minds (Simon and Schuster, 1990), she defines “habits of mind” as “planning organized steps to reason through problems” and “showing children how to apply critical analysis” to reading or any other endeavor.

If we parents make an intentional commitment to focus on developing our children’s cerebral cortices for a time each and every day, using higher thinking skills will become second nature instead of a daily struggle. Here are a few suggestions.

Keep the Environment Organized

We can all think better if our environment is under control. I am not saying it always has to be neat, without mess. Then it wouldn’t be creative. What I am saying is that children’s minds absorb the influence of their environment, and chaotic surroundings can contribute to chaotic thinking. So after that artistic project, make sure order is restored.

• Give children a simple day planner or calendar to write down school assignments and leisure time commitments.
• Teach children to put their books and school supplies in one place every day. This prevents searching as they are rushing out the door in the morning. Younger children can do the same with their toys.
• Encourage older kids to use a label maker and develop a basic filing system for their room.
• Teach children to plan their lunches ahead of time and make them the night before. If they purchase school lunches, sit down with them weekly and circle the lunches they will buy using the school’s newsletter. This is a great time to discuss wise nutritional choices.

Take Time to Answer the Question Completely

A mom I am currently coaching recently told me that her 6-year-old asked her: “How does the Vicks® work in my nose, Mommy?” She responded, “It has something to do with the chemicals in the Vicks, honey.” Of course her son was satisfied with that. But she wasn’t. She went on the Internet and found out interesting information about nasal passages and pheromones and decided to explain things in more detail.

Her initiative is a great example of the kind of parental response that definitely builds those habits of mind. Of course, we cannot possibly answer all our children’s questions like that, but the more we do, the more we open up their neural pathways for data analysis, synthesis, examination of cause and effect, and ability to understand the role of details in relationship to the whole.

For inspiration, I like to remember that Margaret Mead’s parents were fond of answering their daughter’s questions in this fashion. A simple question like, “Where does milk come from?’ prompted them to take little Margaret to a farm to experience the entire process first-hand. We have the good fortune of using educational DVDs for this purpose. Along with our explanations, they are a good substitute for time-consuming experiences we may not be able to afford, and they can expose our children to new information that they can process and ponder with our help.

Invest in an Exceptional Learning Tool

Consider investing regularly in something you think will spur your child’s thinking. A good example is the Interactive Atlasphere from National Geographic (1-888-225-5647). This is a globe made by Leap Frog that comes with a “magic pen.” Touch the pen to any part of the globe and your child will hear thousands of facts about countries, oceans, continents, states, etc. It also offers games at three different levels, so it is ideal for family fun and sibling sharing. Any of the facts can be jumping off points that can lead your child into other books and experiences.

If you invested in such a toy yearly, imagine what you could build in your child’s cortex over 18 years.

And don’t forget that when we build intellectual abilities, we help the cortex become the CEO of the brain, as it should be. Therefore, instinctual urges such as hitting back, over-reacting and being mean and petty can start to fall by the wayside. In every real way, as we build our children’s habits of mind, their habits of heart benefit, too!

Gloria DeGaetano is the founder and CEO of the Parent Coaching Institute in Bellevue (425-401-1519, www.parentcoachinginstitute.com)

©Gloria DeGaetano, 2007